These last few weeks have been quite a journey. One thing I am slowly learning is how to rest in my Savior's arms. When the waves try to toss me back and forth my Savior holds me tight and keeps me safe.
I asked myself Thursday evening if I would do this again (foster/adopt) after my recent experience.
I asked myself Thursday evening if I would do this again (foster/adopt) after my recent experience.
At that point I was just numb and wasn't even sure which way was up. Last night I was starting to get some feeling back and thought maybe at some point I would consider doing this again.
This morning... well, I guess I thawed... I do not want to rush things, I want to move slower, or at least get more information next time, but I do, definitely want to try again.
My heart is for adoption. Foster care... wow... that is hard. I have wanted to adopt all along, but grew impatient in my waiting. Don't get me wrong... I totally believe M was a gift sent to help me grow and for me to help her. She wasn't a mistake. For a short time, our paths crossed and we are both better for it. I am not going to write off adoption altogether because of two hard weeks.
(A special thank you goes out to Dorah for really encouraging me not to throw in the towel... thanks my friend...)
I will just have to wait to see what the Lord does next...
(I don't know what age child or children the Lord will bring me... but I will trust in Him.)
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
(Proverbs 16:9 NIV)
(and yes, the picture above is a special picture left for me from M.)
3 comments:
Is that writing on your wall??
I'm so glad that you feel "rested" in God today with all of this. The Lord has a little one(s) out there for you...and I know that she/they will come at just the right time.
Yes... that is PERMANENT MARKER on my wall... but... Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is getting it off... I just wanted to keep a little memento of this "artwork."
Did M explain what the drawing was about? It's clearly not just scribbles.
If you believe in your heart of hearts that God wants you to adopt, then rest assured that these 2 weeks were part of the refining process, part of the journey. Satan loves to heap guilt on moms. i think it's his number 1 tactic to make us feel defeated as Christians, but don't listen to him. Keep listening to God, even in the numb silence.
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