Who are you living for?

I have been very busy lately, hence the lack of blog posts...

Steve is now receiving hospice care and will not have any more treatments. He is in a lot of pain, unable to talk or walk. My heart just breaks for him and Mary and the entire family. But all of this is very sobering... He just turned 49 years old. I pray when I am 49 years old I will not look back with regret of how I have spent my years. I am challenged and encouraged by his example now more than ever to make every minute count and live for the Lord.

I have decided to switch adoption agencies. My current agency primarily does foster care. They do deal with adoptions, but I am learning it is more rare than I was initially told. My new agency is a Christian agency. I will be "signing up" with them on Tuesday.

They are a smaller agency. They currently only have 15 families, but they can really give personalized care and will actively look for children that would be a good match for me, something my current agency does not do.

The new agency is more geared towards adoption, so I am excited to see what the Lord does. I have a total peace about making the switch. I am also excited that my new agency will accept my old home study... kind of...

I am basically having to do an entire new home study all over again. My clearances will expire this month, and CPR will also expire soon. I have to take the classes all over again, but the good news is that I will enter the agency with an active home study and then have two months to get everything done. So if I got a call in that two month period, I would be able to accept a child.

I am at total peace about when my children will come. I am still hoping to get two siblings, but if I get one at a time that will be just as wonderful. I am at peace about going forward even with Steve so sick because he was such a part of me getting to this point. It is up to the Lord when the children come... maybe a few weeks, maybe another year... only He knows. I certainly see His wisdom in this and know that His timing will be perfect.

People have been asking me how I am doing with the news about Steve... I am terribly grieved. I have days where my heart is just heavy with sadness. But I also know that God is so good and sovereign. Everything I believe in, everything I am living for leads up to meeting my Savior. That is the ultimate goal, the finish line... as sad as I am about Steve leaving us here, I can't help but rejoice a little knowing he will be in a perfect world, without pain, full of joy and being perfectly cared for by our loving Lord.

Steve will soon see the One who has saved me from eternal hell. I'm tempted to tell Steve to give Jesus a big hug for me and tell Him thank you for saving me and that I can't wait to see Him face to face. But I know the Lord already knows this and how precious that day will be when I can run into my Savior's arms and thank Him myself.

I am torn. My human side wants to scream, "This can't be happening... please Lord, don't take him!," but by God's grace I am learning to look at this more and more through God's eyes and know that even in the midst of this awful situation, God is using it for our good and His glory. Many might enter the Kingdom of God because of this trial... and that is what we are here for... to be a light for Jesus.

Please keep the Murphy's in your prayers... and remember, our days are numbered... how are you spending your days... bringing glory to God or living for yourself? This is a hard question I ask myself everyday... some days I am living for God, other days, for myself, but by God's grace, He is helping me to live more and more for Him everyday.