(if you click on the picture you can see the times better...)I called my agency the other day to get an update on M. I was told that I was still being considered for her but that they didn't expect I would hear anything right away as the agency probably won't place her until school is out.
I can't explain it, but I am really at peace. Peace if I am chosen to be her mom and peace if I am not. I am really, unbelievably at total peace.
I have seen time and time again the Lord give a peace that really does surpass all understanding to those who need it. I don't have peace for a trial you might be going through, and you don't have peace for any trials I am going through, but when you need it, when the situation is upon you... you can be sure that there will be grace waiting for you.
In the past week or so I have felt at peace about not putting my life on hold. For a while I was hesitant to make any plans that were further than a few days away because I just didn't know what was going to happen. Now I am at peace that thanks to technology I am only a phone call away and thanks to the Lord I know that if it is His will for me to have a particular child or children come live with me, He will make sure I am where I need to be. He won't let me miss the call. He won't let me screw this up. He won't let me say yes to the wrong kids or no to the right ones.
I love to look at present situations through eternal eyes... I love to think about the fact that even before I was born, the Lord knew who my children would be. He knew the day I would get them. He knew which events would need to take place before they came. He knew that I wasn't a very patient person in general and that needed to change so He orchestrated every event in my life up until now to help me grow in this area.
I have looked at this adoption process as God being the boss and God being the agency/caseworker, (because He is.) God will make sure the agency calls me for the right children. God will allow all the delays needed until the children He has handpicked for me come along. I don't get frustrated anymore when the agency doesn't do things in a timely manner. I am on God's schedule and although it does not resemble my time table at all, I am confident that His time table is perfect. It's like my bedroom clock. I think it is about 14 minutes fast (because I want everything yesterday so maybe if I turn my clock ahead it will happen sooner... just kidding, it is because I am lazy and like my snooze button a little too much...) but when I look at the clock on my cell phone, although I might not like what it says, I know that it is perfect because it is automatically set by a satellite or something official like that... My bedroom clock is my fantasy world... my cell phone clock is reality. It is solid, dependable, and even during daylight savings time it is always accurate and perfect.
Thank you for the grace you have given me Lord... this waiting would be so difficult without it. I wait and I am at peace.
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