Trusting God...

I got a call from my caseworker today. She was calling me to see if I would take two little girls ages 2 and 3. She made it pretty clear this was a respite placement and I shouldn't even think that I would get to adopt them. She wanted an answer right then... no time to think or pray... that is how all the calls are. They call and you have to make a decision literally in 1-2 minutes. I pray during the call and trust that the Lord will give me a gut feeling one way or the other.

I work full time. How in the world could I care for a 2 and 3 year old and work full time? How could I have them in my house, in my home, in my heart to love and care for only to have to give them back after a while... I don't know how I could do that. I had to tell her no.

I asked the caseworker about M. She said that M's therapist liked my homestudy a lot, but her caseworker wanted a two parent family. They have started the pre-placement process with another family. If that doesn't work out they might call me, but at this point, it seems unlikely.

This has become a really hard trial. The waiting is so much longer than I thought it would be. I have really grown in patience through this, but it is obvious I have so much more growing to do in that area. It is heartbreaking to think of what these children are going through. All the different homes they have been in, the rejection they are experiencing... it just breaks my heart.

I have to keep waiting and trusting that God knows who my children are. He knows when they are coming.

There have been so many times I have heard people say "There are so many kids in this country that need a home, why do people go to other countries to get kids?" It is at times like these that I understand. If you adopt from other countries you don't have to go through the foster parent process of falling in love with the children only to have to give them back. The majority of the kids in US foster care are teenagers... the hardest population to place. And I asked my caseworker today if they were still getting a lot of referrals and she said that right now they are getting a lot of referrals for teenagers with severe disabilities. They are the hardest to place.

Please keep all these children in your prayers. They all need a loving home.