Step by Step He'll Lead Me...

My friend and boss has encouraged me time and time again to trust the Lord with this adoption process that He will provide. My wonderful mother has been offering for a few weeks now to buy the beds for the girls complete with mattress, box springs, frame and headboards. I was encouraged to not depend on anyone else to help me with some of the big costs that would come up but to trust that “what He has called me to, He will provide for.”

My mom asked me again yesterday about buying the beds. I did not feel released in my heart to let her get the beds. I also knew that I wasn't taking on that debt... I felt that I was to Be Still and wait...

I also have been wanting new bedroom furniture because the furniture in the girls' room now, although very nice is too big for that room and it is just too tight a fit. Again I felt I was to just "Be Still..."

So yesterday we bought some houses... Wouldn't you know that one of the houses we bought “just so happened” to have two twin beds complete with bed frame and headboards, and a dresser with a mirror and a tall dresser. All matching, and all in great condition.

The beds... (Oh the Lord knows me all too well)... have mattress covers on them completely covering the mattresses. They are in good shape and perfect. I am still going to disinfect them but the fact that they look like new and have been protected by mattress covers was just the Lord saying He is thorough! The dressers are smaller and will fit in the room so much better. I am going to give all of my furniture (headboard, large dresser, armoire, and night stand) to a friend's sister who just went through a divorce and has nothing.

The Lord provided a complete bedroom set in great condition for my little girls. I felt like I was sitting in the Pittsburgh Airport all over again and I was having second thoughts about whether or not it was the Lord's will for me to go to China and asked Him for one more sign... the Halleluiah Chorus started playing at that very moment over the loudspeaker. (My favorite song of all times.)

Although I wasn't having doubts, I have been praying that the Lord would continually give me confirmation that this is what He is leading me to do. So the Lord has just provided two beds (that are girly beds) and dressers... for free. Absolutely free. I was also told there was a matching lamp.

When I met with my pastor a few weeks ago he had a word of encouragement for me that he believed was from the Lord. I won't share what he said, but it was more confirmation. If the Lord is encouraging me about adoption... then I guess I really have heard Him right that I am to adopt.

So I am getting ready... the time is drawing near. I also think it is interesting that I am going to the agency that I believe is the right one for me. It would have never been my choice to go the foster-to-adopt route, but it seemed like one by one the Lord closed various doors and left the one opened He wanted me to walk through.

I feel like I am driving down a road and I am going the way I think I should go and then there is a detour. So I take the detour and try to go the direction I think I should be going and then the bridge is out. So I go a different direction. Then there is a train crossing the road and so I wait. The amazing thing (that chokes me up every time) is knowing He is doing the same thing with my children. They are going through a really hard time right now. They are slowly being led in my direction... and when the train passes and the railroad crossing gate goes up... there in front of me, waiting on the other side will be my children. Maybe the kids there might just be my temporary children and I am just to pick them up and keep them safe for a while, until I come to another railroad crossing... or maybe, just maybe I will get to take them home for good. Either way, God is showing me that He is in this and He is guiding me. (And that even if I think I am in the driver’s seat… He really is the one driving… which is exactly where I want Him to be.)

I remember sitting on a bus in China. I remember looking at the bus driver and overwhelmed with God’s Sovereignty. Here was a man that the Lord was using in a mighty way. He was helping me deliver the Word of God and he didn't even know it. The Lord was guiding his steps. He was personally delivering me to my contact and didn't know about the precious cargo he had on board... and yet the Lord used him.

That's what I think about when I think of caseworkers, the government and all the people involved to help make an adoption happen. They realize and "know" that they are part of the process... but it is so much bigger than that. Maybe the caseworker that I was going to be assigned would not have been helpful and was sick that day and so I got the new, eager caseworker. Maybe they just had a training on something and it makes them aware of something they didn't know before.

God has picked my caseworker already and she is perfect for me. My caseworker, in God's perfect timing will think of me for two little girls. God will put that thought in her head.

When the phone rings, if the kids aren’t the ones He wants for me the Lord will have me in the shower so I miss the call. He will be with me when I answer the phone and give me peace when I say, "Yes, I'll take them." He will be there if I have to give them back and help me do the very best while I have them, and He will be there when the court declares that I am now the forever mother of two little girls.

Through it all, I really do trust Him for this and know He won't let me make a mistake on something this big... He will shut the door if it isn't His plan for me. I am just so grateful that with every passing day I am more and more confident of His goodness and at peace with this decision. I will need to hold onto that certainty on the really hard days.