I Feel Like Me Again

For quite a while now, (several weeks/months) I have been feeling pretty bad. My migraines have returned and the medication they have me on has a lot of side effects. I have had migraines, fatigue, and am sick to my stomach a lot. I have found it challenging to write in my blog because I have wanted to just complain about how lousy I feel. Because one of the side effects is fatigue, I take several naps a day (20 minutes here and there.) I am grateful to have a job that can accommodate my naps.

Christmas was difficult because I had a migraine and wanted so badly to visit with my family but with all the noise I just wanted to be alone in a quiet room. I wasn't much help with the dishes or cleaning up either because I wasn't feeling good, so I just rested on the couch. I felt so useless. Everyone else was doing something and I was just lying on the couch...

I share all this now because I am excited to report that I have had three good days. You forget how good it feels to feel good until you don't feel good for a really long time. It is so easy to take for granted getting up in the morning and not being in pain.

I had a migraine everyday and started to forget what it was like to not have a migraine and now I have enjoyed three wonderful days pain free. I haven't had any energy for almost two months. The thought of going for a walk just down the street was so overwhelming, yet yesterday I was able to walk 5 miles. I wasn't able to eat foods that had much flavor for several weeks and this past week was able to enjoy a wonderful meal with friends.

It is so hard to go through the valley, especially when the end isn't in sight. I also realize that all my symptoms are likely to return given my meds have just been doubled and I might only have these three days. I am so grateful that I have been allowed to go through this valley though because as hard as it is, it has helped me to appreciate everyday I have that I am not in pain and feel good. The Lord has blessed me so lavishly. As I walked yesterday I pushed myself to walk harder and faster than I have in a long time. I am sore today, but grateful because the pain I feel today is a reminder of how great I felt yesterday.

My friend made her own pesto from scratch. I had some for dinner last week. It was incredible. It was one of the most wonderful things I have ever eaten. I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much if I hadn't had bland foods for two months.

The sky is blue and beautiful. Being outdoors yesterday was wonderful. I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much if I hadn't been locked up in my house exhausted and sleeping every chance I had for the last two months. I felt like I came alive yesterday. Like in the movie Awakenings. It was so invigorating.

I have been wearing my sunglasses inside even in dimly lit rooms because of my migraines. I was able to walk outside yesterday without wearing sunglasses and without squinting watching the sun come through the trees and shine down on me.

I am grateful for the valley... for it reminds me of all I am grateful for.
Thank you Lord for today.